Posts Tagged ‘humor’

August 2 Quote of the Day

Monday, September 9th, 2013

Older people shouldn’t eat health food.  They need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben

Given the sheer numbers of friends and relatives I know who are jumping aboard the Michelle Obama health-food bandwagon, I may never be allowed to eat a good old-fashioned cookie or Big Mac again without first submitting to a lecture of some kind. Happily, this quote came to my attention. With all the preservatives I have eaten over the years, I’ve probably added ten years to my life.

If I continue to be diligent in my eating habits, I’ll be sailing past that century mark happily munching on fries and Snickers bars.


May 15 Quote of the Day

Monday, September 17th, 2012

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.
Eleanor Roosevelt


This thought gives me a little bit of relief.  My house is never clean. Never has been, probably never will be. Kids running around the house tend to scatter toys, clothes, food, school work, etc.  My house has always had kids.  Doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon.  It’s nice to know that one of the side-effects of having children is that I can always make those who come to my house feel better!


Childhood Tenacity Can Cause Parental Insanity

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Tenacity was something my mother tried to drill into my head throughout my childhood. She used to say things like ‘you can do anything you want to do if you just try hard enough’ (nice thought but not necessarily true). Another one of her favorites was the one about the drop of water that just wouldn’t stop dripping until it made it’s impression in the rock. I don’t need to use those phrases to teach our little one tenacity. Grandpa and I are doing our teaching in a little different (not exactly better) way. We teach her in the way we respond to requests she makes.

She dearly loves riding her bike but she’s only 6-years-old so she’s not allowed to do it without supervision. The rest of the neighborhood children range in age from 5 to 10 years old and are allowed outside without an adult present. It annoys her that Grandma and Grandpa are old fuddy-duddies who insist on safety. We don’t have sidewalks in our neighborhood so the kids have to ride bikes in the street. It’s not a busy street. We live in a nice quiet neighborhood but we do get our fair share of traffic. Someone has to be outside with them to yell ‘car!’ every time one goes by since the kids don’t seem to feel the need to get to the side of the road unless they hear that warning. So how does this involve teaching her tenacity? Let me explain how the bike riding discussion usually goes.

Normally the little one will go to Grandpa first. Mostly because Grandpa will say “no” to the first request. The second request will come about two minutes later and Grandpa will say, “give me a few minutes.” The third request will come less than five minutes later and Grandpa will say again (less patiently), “Just give me a few minutes.” The fourth or fifth or sixth request will follow closely on the heals of the previous request until Grandpa gives up with a sigh and says, “All right. We’ll go.” Grandpa has taught her persistence in the face of failure. I wouldn’t recommend this way of teaching. Now she understands that all she has to do is keep asking and asking and asking and asking until finally he gets sick of hearing it and gives it to her whether it’s good for her or not.

If she comes to Grandma, the conversation is a little different.

Little One: Can I ride my bike?
Me:      No
Little One: Can I ride my bike?
Me:     I said no
Little One: Can I ride my bike?
Me:    What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?
Little One: Can I ride my bike?
Me:    How many times to I have to say ‘no’?
Little One: Can I ride my bike?

At this point I will usually lose my temper. This involves either (1) sending her to her room; or (2) me shouting “Fine! Ride your bike! Do whatever you want just stop bugging me!”

My response is really no better than Grandpa’s. You see, children are gamblers at heart so they will continue inserting quarters in the parental slot machine until they get the pay-off they desire. If they never get the pay-off they desire, they will finally learn to accept the rules and live by them. But if they get the pay-off they want even one time out of ten, that’s good enough for them. They’ll be back for more next time! We have taught her tenacity but at the expense of our sanity.

There is a saying that if you can’t be an example, be a warning. I’m being a warning. Parents, decide what is important and stick to your guns when dealing with your children. Let your ‘yay be yay and your nay nay’. Doing so will bring harmony to your home. Not doing so will cause you to need therapy. Trust me on this!

Rest Rooms

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Who named restrooms ‘rest rooms’? I’m not sure but I’m betting it was a mother. Those early mornings getting the kids off to school and the husband off to work while getting yourself ready for work and the pre-schooler ready for daycare are something nightmares are made of. Many supermoms of the past are now Grandmas suffering from kidney problems caused from ’holding it’ while they got everyone out the door and themselves to work. Mothers of today have learned. We know that our children need to learn independence and our spouses need to recognize that we are their wives not their mommies. We also know that we need to protect our mental health! So when the cries of “I can’t snap my pants’; ’he hit me’; ’ she hit me first’; ’I can’t find my backpack’; ’your offspring just colored on my presentation for the meeting this morning!” become overwhelming – we seek peace. We go to the special room with the lock on the door and sit. Initially peace eludes us due to the pounding on the door and the shouts of ’Mom! Mom!” coming from the nether regions of the house. But if we ignore them long enough, somehow the backpack gets found, the arguments resolve themselves, the hubby manages to find white-out to cover the crayon marks on his presentation – peace resumes. At which point we can emerge again ready to put the children on the bus, kiss the spouse good-bye and drop the youngest at daycare. All those other names given to restrooms – the john, the throne room, etc. – don’t even remotely give an adequate description of this special place. Rest rooms had to have been named by a mother.


Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Today‘s discussion is about the ‘why‘ questions parents ask themselves. You know, (a) why do children never put things away unless it’s an empty box and then they return it to the cupboard? (b) Why do teenage girls hyperventilate at least twice a day and can this possibly be good for them? (c) Why do teenage boys take such perverse pleasure in bringing on this hyperventilation? Especially when it involves their sisters? So many of those kind of questions parents live with everyday. Surely, I’m not the only one who has just returned from purchasing groceries with the last of my life savings only to discover that the box of ice cream bars meant for dessert is simply that. A box. Carefully returned to the freezer lest it overheat in the trash. And, of course, every parent of every teen-age daughter has lived through the hysteria brought on by the missing sweater that matches the pants which she is certain that her brother has secreted about his person in an attempt to cause her to look completely nerdy in front of the most wonderful, best-looking boy on the bus who will never know she exists now because she has dared to show up at school in an outfit purchased at least a month ago and worn too many times to possibly attract this boy whose only fault is that he is in high school while she is in junior high but if only her brother would not steal her clothing she could have the love of this older man. (Her brother meanwhile helps out by smiling evilly and insisting he doesn’t know where the sweater is. Which, in fact, turns out to be true 10 minutes later when the sweater is discovered under her bed where she put it last. The evil smile, however, kept her guessing and hyperventilating to her brother’s satisfaction.) Not only do we live through this with our daughters but we almost never seek mental health help for them! Questions. So many. Why do I – an adult paying the bills not to mention the rent – have to hide soft drinks in my room just to be sure I have some when I want it? Why does no one ever know what happened to the tv remote? Why is it that teen-agers don’t know the difference between clean and dirty dishes when it’s their turn to empty the dishwasher? Why is the cordless telephone always missing when I’m the one who answers the phone? Speaking of phones, why am I paying for a phone I need to ask others to let me use? Why am I letting the phone company convince me I should pay for two sets of phone lines when I know that with two teen-agers in the house, it’s just an illusion that I will get to use one of them anyway? Why is it when children clean the kitchen, there are so many missing dishes? And is it just a coincidence that when I clean the living room there are so many dishes under the couch? So many questions. So few answers. The scourge of parenthood. Your child may cause you to ask different ‘why’ questions than I do but you will ask them. Getting frustrated only causes high blood pressure. Laugh and let it go. Or beat your head against the counter (softly) and then let it go. Whichever method you take, remember you’re not alone. And, eventually your child will become a parent plagued with the same questions. Somehow that makes me feel a little better.


February 28 Quote of the Day

Tuesday, February 29th, 2000

For a lot of people, the weekly paycheck is ‘take-home pay’ because home is the only place they can afford to go with it.
Charles A. Jaffe

Sounds right to me!