Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Double Dates

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

Q: My brother-in-law and his wife just moved back home. Now he wants my husband and I to double date with him with his old high school girlfriend. I like his wife and don’t want to do this but my husband says we have to because he is family. What do you think?

A: I think you should trust your instincts and stay home. Your brother-in-law’s morals are less than sterling. You don’t have to sink to his level. Cheating on your wife is not an acceptable behavior. Your husband is letting the ‘family argument’ cloud his judgment. I think you should remind him of something his mother has told him at least 100 times. “If your brother jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” It’s a little bit tough sometimes to take a stand but if I were you, I’d just say ‘no’!

Bi-Sexual ???

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Message: Hy mom, I’m kati. My familys catholic. Im bisexual. No, Im not doing it to impress guys or to have fun. Im legitimently attracted to both men and women. How do I tell mom, perferable without getting grounded?

Dear Kati, If you are still young enough to live in your parent’s home and expect to be grounded for your behavior, then you are too young to make this decision. Hormones can fool you when you are a teenager. Many girls look at other girls breasts and feel sexual arousal. That may not necessarily mean that they’re lesbians. If you’re looking at a guy and thinking ‘boy is he hot’ while looking at girls and being sexually aroused, it may not mean you’re bi-sexual. It may just be that you have a normal sex drive. You need to take some time to become a little more familiar with your emotions before you make a decision of this magnitude. But if you insist on going to your parents, I suggest you set the groundwork for your discussion. Obviously, your parents are not going to be happy about your decision so you better be ready with some answers for them. Some of the things you need to be ready to discuss are: 1) Your family is Catholic. Is being a Catholic important to you? The Catholic church doesn’t condone alternative lifestyles. You have to be ready to let them know that you are prepared to give up this part of your life. I would suggest you go to your Priest and discuss with him how you feel. Go through the steps he gives you so you can let your parents know that you have legitimately looked into how not being a Catholic will affect you. 2) Try to decide what you want in a relationship. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you and only you? If you do, being bi-sexual – by definition – isn’t the way to go. Bi-sexual people accept sex with both sexes so you could never be sure if your partner was about to move to a male partner instead of you. And your partner could never fully trust you. If you don’t need or want a committed relationship then this isn’t going to be a problem for you but you do need to decide that. 3) For most teens, it is important to have a partner when you attend the prom or even just attend classes. It is a source of pride to have this committed partner. If that is the case, then you are going to have to decide whether you prefer a male or a female partner. If you choose male, no problem for you. If you choose female, you will again have problems with your parents and your Catholic faith as well as other kids in your school. 4) Next, you will have to be prepared to explain how this will affect your future. Be ready to let them know how you want your adult life to be once you are out of school. When you are an adult and running your own life, how do you want your life to be? Do you plan to have children? How do you think this decision will affect them? What do you plan to do for a living? How will this affect your career plans? If you go through all these steps, they will see that you have carefully thought through your position. They may see this as a faze you’re going through. They may feel that you are just being rebellious. You can’t expect them to be happy with your decision. Whatever their reaction, you live in their home. Therefore you live by their rules. If you can’t convince them of your sincerity in this matter, then you must wait until you have moved from their home to live the lifestyle you have chosen. As I said in the beginning, I think you are too young to make this decision anyway. So waiting until you are old enough to move from home will give you the time to gain the maturity you need to make an informed decision.

Dating at 13

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

(This email has been modified. It was sent in the text message style which is a little difficult for us grandma’s to read. I imagine it can be for others also. I believe I got the gist of it right. Also, please remember when emailing, this is a family site. Profanity will be deleted. If there is too much profanity, I may delete the entire email. Mom)

Q: My parents are being completely unreasonable. They say I am too young to date a 16 year old. I am 13 and everyone says I am mature for my age. He and I were having a great time together until they found out. I figure you’re a mom and they might listen to you if you tell them they are being unreasonable. Can you send me an email for them?

A: Actually, I think you are the one being unreasonable. Dating at 13 is way too young in my opinion. When you are just entering adolescence, your body is changing and hormones are causing you to have major mood swings. You need to give yourself time to adjust to these changes before you start complicating things with emotional attachments to boys. Also, it sounds to me like you knew your parents wouldn’t approve. You said they ‘found out’. Were you sneaking around behind their backs? Another thing. Sixteen is too old for a 13-year-old. I suggest you and your parents sit down together and set up a list of rules for dating. That would be the mature thing for you to do. The more you are responsible and follow the rules they set down, the more they will give you space to make your own choices.

Dating Early

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

I”m 13 and my mother won”t let me date. She is totally unrealistic. All my friends date. What can I do to convince my mother to let me date?

Dear DT: I”m going to have to vote with your mom on this. I know that a lot of parents are letting their children date at very young ages. I think you need to take time to meet new people and make friends. This will allow you to decide the type of person you would like to date. Maybe you could talk to your mother about letting you go to a school dance or a church party where you could meet people and have fun. There you can socialize with others your age and – when your mother is ready – you can have picked out some potential dates.

Love Mom