Message: Hy mom, I’m kati. My familys catholic. Im bisexual. No, Im not doing it to impress guys or to have fun. Im legitimently attracted to both men and women. How do I tell mom, perferable without getting grounded?

Dear Kati,

If you are still young enough to live in your parent’s home and expect to be grounded for your behavior, then you are too young to make this decision. Hormones can fool you when you are a teenager. Many girls look at other girls breasts and feel sexual arousal. That may not necessarily mean that they’re lesbians. If you’re looking at a guy and thinking ‘boy is he hot’ while looking at girls and being sexually aroused, it may not mean you’re bi-sexual. It may just be that you have a normal sex drive. You need to take some time to become a little more familiar with your emotions before you make a decision of this magnitude.

But if you insist on going to your parents, I suggest you set the groundwork for your discussion. Obviously, your parents are not going to be happy about your decision so you better be ready with some answers for them. Some of the things you need to be ready to discuss are:

1) Your family is Catholic. Is being a Catholic important to you? The Catholic church doesn’t condone alternative lifestyles. You have to be ready to let them know that you are prepared to give up this part of your life. I would suggest you go to your Priest and discuss with him how you feel. Go through the steps he gives you so you can let your parents know that you have legitimately looked into how not being a Catholic will affect you.

2) Try to decide what you want in a relationship. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you and only you? If you do, being bi-sexual - by definition - isn’t the way to go. Bi-sexual people accept sex with both sexes so you could never be sure if your partner was about to move to a male partner instead of you. And your partner could never fully trust you. If you don’t need or want a committed relationship then this isn’t going to be a problem for you but you do need to decide that.

3) For most teens, it is important to have a partner when you attend the prom or even just attend classes. For most teens, it is a source of pride to have this committed partner. If that is the case, then you are going to have to decide whether you prefer a male or a female partner. If you choose male, no problem for you. If you choose female, you will again have problems with your parents and your Catholic faith.

4) Next, you will have to be prepared to explain how this will affect your future. Be ready to let them know how you want your adult life to be once you are out of school. When you are an adult and running your own life, how do you want your life to be? Do you plan to have children? How do you think this decision will affect them? What do you plan to do for a living? How will this affect your career plans?

If you go through all these steps, they will see that you have carefully thought through your position. They may see this as a faze you’re going through. They may feel that you are just being rebellious. You can’t expect them to be happy with your decision. Whatever their reaction, you live in their home. Therefore you live by their rules. If you can’t convince them of your sincerity in this matter, then you must wait until you have moved from their home to live the lifestyle you have chosen.

As I said in the beginning, I think you are too young to make this decision anyway. So waiting until you are old enough to move from home will give you the time to gain the maturity you need to make an informed decision.

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umm… I am no

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