Marriage to a Widower
July 9th, 2009I have met the love of my life. He is perfect. He’s a widower with a good job, a great house and a killer car. I have the most wonderful time when I am with him. The only problem is his three kids. They are spoiled brats. They’re whiney and demanding. If we can’t get one of the relatives to babysit, we’re stuck with them. If we get married, I’ll be stuck with them all the time while he is at work. I know this is America but do we have any boarding schools like they have in Europe?
A: It sounds to me like this ‘perfect love of your life’ is perfect because of what he has, not necessarily who he is. When you make the final decision about marriage, it should never be based on his house and his car. It seems like a pretty flimsy reason for love and marriage. There are significantly more important things to consider when planning your future with this man. The most important are the children. These children are his children. Does he think they are whiney and demanding? They’ve lost their mother. Are you planning to take away their father too? When you marry, you never just marry the man. You marry his children, his ex-wife (in your case his deceased wife), his relatives, his friends, his pets and all his emotional baggage. To make a success of the marriage, you have to be ready to weave the issues of his life into the issues of your life. From the sound of your email, you need to gain a little more maturity before you’ll be able to do that. For everyone’s sake – especially those children – it might be best if you spent a couple of years growing up before you plan on marriage.
