My uncle is coming to my parents on Easter for dinner.  The whole family is getting together.  I told my parents if my uncle came, I wouldn’t.  It’s causing a big scene.  I don’t know why the rest of the family even invites my uncle to anything.  He causes trouble for everybody.  Last year when I moved into my own apartment, he told my parents he saw me with a married man.  He didn’t bother to tell them I was also with the married man’s wife and kids at the zoo.  I don’t want my parents mad at me but since he does this to everybody, I don’t see why they keep inviting him. 

Dear Furious:

Nearly everyone has family members that they would prefer to avoid.  That is why there are famous old sayings like:  ‘You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.’  I don’t know if you’re young enough to have enjoyed the movie ‘The Lion King’.  In that movie, the Lion King is talking to his brother. When he is finished, the parrot tells him ‘There’s one in every family.  Two in mine, in fact.’  The rest of your family has just come to accept that your uncle is the one in your family.  You’re old enough to live on your own now so it’s time you begin showing some maturity.  Obviously, your family isn’t going to exclude your uncle from gatherings.   If you choose to refuse to attend family functions where he is invited, you will be missing some potentially good times with the people you love.  And you will be hurting others who love you.  Why do that?  You don’t necessarily have to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him at the family gathering.  You don’t even have to sit next to him at the table.  Spend time with the rest of the family.  Visit with them.  If there is more than one table at the gathering, just sit at the opposite table.  Enjoy the others in the family and spend as little time with your uncle as you can without creating a scene. 

My friend and I have a bet.  He’s naive and gullible.  He actually believes you are a mom.  I say you are just some yahoo with a god complex trying to tell everyone what to do.

 A:  Sorry, Thomas.  You lose.  I am a mom with 6 adult children, 9 grandchildren and 2 step-grandchildren all of whom are alive, well and wonderful.  As for the god complex, I already know I don’t know everything.  That’s why this forum allows others to give their opinions as well.  I feel that it’s always good to hear from someone who has been there. 

And just in case you don’t recognize your comment, I’ve cleaned up the wording to make it fit for family viewing.  This is a site where anyone can come for advice.  Try to keep it clean.  Okay?

 Love Mom

Dear Mom,

My actual mom is giving me a lot of trouble.  Since you’re a mom maybe you can help.  My parents were divorced when I was 5.  Dad had been dating another woman and she got pregnant so he divorced Mom and married her.  They were married until I was 15 when they got divorced and Dad remarried Mom.  Since I was a boy, I lived with Dad and my sister lived with Mom while they were divorced.  I am 22 and getting married in June.  My mom says she won’t come to the wedding if I invite my stepmom.  My stepmom was great to me all 10 years Dad was married to her and I still keep in touch with her especially since I hang out a lot with my stepbrother who is five years younger than I am.  I want them both at the wedding (I mean my stepmom and stepbrother.)  My mom and I have never gotten along but she is married to Dad so I have to invite her if I invite Dad.  This is causing a big fight between my mom and me.  Dad is refusing to get involved which is really making Mom mad.  She thinks Dad should side with her.  Short of eloping, which my fiancé doesn’t want to do, I’ll take any advice you have to give.

Jim