I have a soon to be 3yr. old daughter and ever since she was about 3mos old she has been sleeping in my bed with me. I just bought her a toddler bed and finished up her new room. Now I have no idea how to get her to want to sleep in her own bed and not mine. I need some advice on how to get my little one out of my bed and into her own!!

A: New things are always terrifying to little ones, especially after dark. What looks really nice to an adult, in the mind of a toddler could have any number of monsters hidden in it. I personally don’t object to young children sleeping with their parents. I think it provides security and increases the bonding between parents and their children. However, should a child reach school age without gaining the independence to sleep in his/her own room, problems may surface.  Your little one is only 3 so you have plenty of time to work with her. Take a gradual approach with her. Hopefully she has a bedtime considerably earlier than yours. Tell her she needs to sleep in her own new pretty bed until you come to bed. She has her bed and you have yours. You will gladly share but she must wait for you to come. She may desperately try to stay awake for a few nights until you come to bed but eventually, exhaustion will get her and she will start falling asleep in her own bed. Let her know the night light is on and your door is unlocked if she needs to come in. Once she has slept in her own bed a few nights, she’ll be fairly sure no monsters got in with the new bed. Then it’s just a matter of making new habits and helping her gain independence. Gradually let her know that tonight you want to sleep alone. Then week-nights you want to sleep alone. Until you’ve reached a point where sleeping with Mom is a special occasion for popcorn and movies and late nights on the sleeping bag in Mom’s room.

Thank you so much. This was really helpful.I’m about to be a first time mom do you have any more advice?

A: Congratulations! I think the most important advice I can give you as a first time mom is “relax!” You are going to be working hard at being the perfect mom for this perfect little bundle of joy. And your perfect bundle of joy will occasionally cry anyway, he or she will sometimes get diaper rash, ear infections, etc. Other people will cough around him. The dog will lick his face. All kinds of things will be less than perfect and your little one will live through it anyway. So relax!

There are two advantages to spending time relaxing. 1: You will be less stressed out. 2: You will have more time to enjoy the baby while it is still little. Did you know your infant will double his birth weight by six months? Little doesn’t last long. Enjoy it while you can.

Part of your relaxing means giving yourself permission to sleep during the day when the baby is napping. It may not seem like you are up that much during the night. After all, feeding the baby only takes 20 minutes or so. Total, you might be up for an hour so why do you need all that extra sleep during the day? Because interrupted sleep is not as restful as uninterrupted sleep - that’s why!

If a clean house is a high priority for you, I would suggest you pick one room to keep clean. Preferably the room you rock the baby in. That way, you can relax, enjoy your little one and still be in a clean room. There will be times when the rest of the house is a shambles but at least you’ll have one spot to enjoy. If you have to go back to work right away, this will be even more important. You will be exhausted at night. You will have missed your little one all day and your little one will have missed you. Take some time for the two of you to retreat to your favorite - and only - clean room in the house for some quality time.

Time will pass and the little one will become more independent. That will be the time you can start catching up on all those things that have gotten behind. Enjoy your new baby. And, again, congratulations!

My children have been asking for a dog.  Now that they’ve seen the news reports of Obama getting a dog for his girls, their nagging has gotten even worse.  Everyone says a dog will teach them responsibility but I’m afraid it’ll just end up being another chore for me.  I work full time and just don’t think I have time for anything else.  What do you think?

A:  Just because Obama got a dog doesn’t mean your children need one.  I’ll go with the old adage ‘if your friends all jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?’  Probably not.  Also, it isn’t the dog that will be teaching your children responsibility.  It will be you using the dog as a tool to teach them responsibility.  You will be the one having to insist that the children get up early enough to walk the dog and to feed and water the dog before school.  You will be the one having to insist that they let the dog out after school and that they recheck his food and water supply.  You will be the one having to say ‘brush the dog, take the dog out before you go to bed’, etc.  And, of course, there is the added time involved in taking the dog to the vet and keeping dog food and supplies on hand.  Not to mention the job of housebreaking the dog if you get a puppy.  So the question is not whether or not the children should get a dog.  The question is whether or not you are ready to take on this added responsibility.  It doesn’t sound to me like you are.  So, while having a pet can be a wonderful learning tool for a child, I think you should wait until you’re ready to teach them that lesson.

Hi,  Everytime I bring my son to the barber he screams.  The barber won’t cut his hair.  I’m doing it myself and it looks terrible.  Got any good ideas?

A:   You don’t give me a lot of information.   How old is your son?  If you’ve just started bringing him to the barber and he is between the ages of 18 months and three years, he could be having a problem with stranger anxiety.  Another reason he could be giving you trouble is a lack of contact with males.  If you are a single mom, he probably goes to daycare.  Most of his life is being spent around women.  Men with scissors could be scary.  Both of these problems can be solved by having him go to the barber at the same time his male cousins (or grandpa or uncles) go.  Have him watch them get their haircuts.  Be sure they have a really good time!  If you are married and it is a stranger anxiety issue, another option would be to have daddy take him to the barber.  Have him sit on daddy’s lap while daddy gets a haircut and then let him remain on daddy’s lap while he gets his haircut.

It’s always best to know why children are upset about things.  I asked my 3 year old grandson why he cried at the barber.  He said “’cause I don’t want to get my head chopped off”.   That was a surprise.  I hadn’t realized that was an issue for him.  When you’re only 3, reality is defined by cartoons, television and an active imagination.  This man he doesn’t know is putting an apron around his neck at just the right height for a head chopping experience.  So if your child is old enough to ask - ASK!  Work through his issues with him.   A few months of bad haircuts are a lot better for him then forcing him into a situation that is, for him, terrifying.

I am a single mom with 3 kids.  They are 7, 9 and 12.  I work 4 10 hour shifts a week.  It feels like I am constantly running.  The minute I get home I’m throwing dinner on the table then dashing to my sons basketball practice or piano lessons for my other son or dance lessons for my daughter.  When we get done with those there is homework to do and housework that has to be done.  I feel like we are moving so fast as a family that we have completely lost touch.  I don’t feel like I even know my children anymore.   My children are almost teenagers.  If I lose touch with them now, how will I know they are okay when they are teens?  I guess I don’t really have a question.  I was just stressing out.

Dear Stressed Mom,I am glad you’ve written because I believe your concerns are those of every parent whether they are single or not.   Families everywhere are moving so fast that they don’t really spend time just being together.   And when we do spend time together, we tend to group our children together like a bunch of grapes.  Having family times together is important but it is also important to spend time individually with each of your children so that you do have a feel for what they are thinking.  You do need to take time to listen while they tell you about their days at school and with their peers.  Marriage counselors are always encouraging couples to have a date night so that they can keep in touch with one another.  Why not use that same concept with your children?   If you take one child a week out on a ‘date’, you will be able to have some very quality one-on-one time with your children.  I’m sure, as a single parent, that money is tight for you but these ‘dates’ don’t have to be expensive.  They can be something as simple as going to the zoo together, or riding bikes together, or going to garage sales, or seeing a matinee movie.  Just spending a couple of hours with that child doing what that child enjoys will keep you in touch with their lives.   And, I believe, will make a significant difference in how your relationships proceed during those teen years you are worrying about now.   LoveMom

Q:  I just had my first child a couple of weeks ago.  The family wants to get together so they can all see him.  I don’t want all of those people with their faces, and germs, too close to my son.  I don’t want my son handed over from person to person.  Am I being unreasonable as a new mom?  How do I say no?  I am breast feeding, how do I breast feed my son when I need to in whole room of relatives?  

A:  Dear New Mom:  Parenting is a series of balancing acts.  As I see it, you have -  on one side -the need to protect your child from germs and - on the other side – the need to allow your child to experience the love and acceptance of the extended family.  When your family gets together, it is more than reasonable of you to suggest that anyone with obvious cold or flu symptoms refrain from holding the baby until they are feeling better.  But, for the sake of your son, you need to relax and allow those who are healthy to cuddle and love him.  When you do so, you are allowing a wonderful bonding experience to begin between your son and other members of his family that will continue throughout his life.  The more people he has in his corner as he goes through life, the easier life will be for him.  So relax!  Your family wants to love your son.  Let them. As far as breastfeeding, just have a blanket handy to throw over your shoulder to cover yourself as you nurse.  If you aren’t comfortable with that, just excuse yourself for a few minutes and go into another room with the little one until he is done eating. Love

Mom

Q:  My husband and I decided to go on a budget this year.  How do we explain this to the kids?  It is still a struggle when ever we enter a store with them.  They always want something, even in the grocery department.  It hurts every time we try to say no to our kids.  What should we do when they want something and get loud in the store?  So far, we have not been able to keep to the budget.

 A:  Dear Budget Challenged Mom:  Congratulations on taking a truly responsible step for the future of your children.  Now the next important step is teaching your children how important budgeting can be.  Years ago, in a discussion with one of my adult children, I was told how little she and her husband were making.  I was appalled and asked her how on earth they were surviving.  Her response was ‘do you remember those envelopes you taught us to use when we were kids?’  I remembered.  I remembered that I had taught them to budget their allowances by placing money in envelopes that were marked: birthday gifts; candy; movies; etc.  By learning how to budget as a child, she was able to work through some very lean years for herself and her family.  While it is difficult for you now to say ‘no’ to your children, it can have immense value to them in the future.  Children are concrete learners so they must be able to have a concrete example.  I suggest that you have your children separate their allowances so that they have a designated amount for each of their needs.  The next time you enter a grocery store and they want candy, simply have them take it from their candy envelope.  If their envelope is empty, you will need to be firm with them and explain that your grocery envelope doesn’t cover their candy (or whatever it is they are asking for).  Right now, your children just assume you can ‘write a check’ or ‘put it on your charge card’.  They don’t understand how important it is that you begin saving for their college education, or putting money aside for a possible crisis.  So teaching them as you and your husband have decided to do is a wonderful plan.  Stick to your guns!LoveMom