My wife can’t stop complaining no matter what I do.  She yells because the garage is a mess.  So I move stuff into the living room so I can organize the garage.  Now she’s yelling because there’s stuff in the living room and I’m watching tv.  Big deal!  I work fulltime.  I’m tired.    I’ll do it later.  She comes in here yelling at me so I told her to ___ off.  Now she’s probably off running up the credit cards.  I think I’m just going to sit here and get drunk.  Serves her right.

A:  Apparently, you feel that getting drunk will annoy your wife as much as her running up the credit cards annoys you.  It seems to me that – if the two of you continue on this path – you’ll be in bankruptcy court very soon.  Then you can argue that it’s her fault because she ran up the credit card bills and she can blame you for spending your entire paycheck on alcohol.  If you like that option, just keep on moving as you’re doing now.    If you’d like to have a happier ending, I suggest you learn how to communicate with one another.  Communication requires more than just the ability to use words.  Any two-year-old can do that.  Since you’re the one writing, I’m going to make some suggestions for you.  First, it’s important that you let your wife know that you see her point of view.  Second, you need to be able to calmly let her know where you are coming from.  And, finally you need to suggest a solution to the problem that will be agreeable to both of you.  (Another little hint:  When communicating with your wife, SHUT THE TELEVISION OFF.  There is nothing on that television that won’t show up as a rerun someday.  And there is nothing on tv as important as your marriage.)  So contact your wife and tell her something like this: “Honey,  I know you are upset about the mess in the living room.  I appreciate the fact that you want to give us a nice looking home.  Right now I am tired from working all day and need to relax for a little while.  I promise I will get this job done.  Will it work for you if I  spend ½ hour a day on the garage during the work week and three to four hours  a day on the week-end until the job is done? “   If this isn’t a compromise you like, then find one.   And be prepared for her to come up with her own compromise.  If she does, try to keep calm.  Just remember your three steps in communication and keep talking until you find the solution. 

My children have been asking for a dog.  Now that they’ve seen the news reports of Obama getting a dog for his girls, their nagging has gotten even worse.  Everyone says a dog will teach them responsibility but I’m afraid it’ll just end up being another chore for me.  I work full time and just don’t think I have time for anything else.  What do you think?

A:  Just because Obama got a dog doesn’t mean your children need one.  I’ll go with the old adage ‘if your friends all jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?’  Probably not.  Also, it isn’t the dog that will be teaching your children responsibility.  It will be you using the dog as a tool to teach them responsibility.  You will be the one having to insist that the children get up early enough to walk the dog and to feed and water the dog before school.  You will be the one having to insist that they let the dog out after school and that they recheck his food and water supply.  You will be the one having to say ‘brush the dog, take the dog out before you go to bed’, etc.  And, of course, there is the added time involved in taking the dog to the vet and keeping dog food and supplies on hand.  Not to mention the job of housebreaking the dog if you get a puppy.  So the question is not whether or not the children should get a dog.  The question is whether or not you are ready to take on this added responsibility.  It doesn’t sound to me like you are.  So, while having a pet can be a wonderful learning tool for a child, I think you should wait until you’re ready to teach them that lesson.

do you have any pics for this post?

A:  No, we don’t have pictures on this post.

What is the amazing to begin my blog free?

A:  There is no charge for using this site.  Just click on the ‘email mom’ icon and send me your question or comment.  I will post it with my answer.  If you wish to post an answer of your own to a question, just click on the ‘comment’ icon under the question.  All postings go through the administration site to avoid pornography or other issues.  Once they are approved, they will show up on the site.

How cans I begin own blog?

A:  If you have a question or discussion you would like to begin, just click on ‘email Mom’.  The question goes directly to me.  I edit it for profanity or other issues not appropriate for this type of site.  Then I post the question or comment with my answer.  Once I do that, anyone can place a comment.

 If you just want to respond to a post already made, just click on comment and type your response.  These comments also go through the administration page to check for content.  I try to check each day for new questions and comments so that answers can be made in a timely fashion.  Once I’ve check for profanity and advertisements, I simply check ‘approve’ and your comment is posted under the original question.

Do you plan rleated posts in this journal?

A:   If I receive a question, I post an answer.  I allow anyone who wishes to respond to a post to do so through the comment section.  All responses go through the administration page so I can edit out profanity and unrelated advertisements.  Some advertisements I allow if they are related to the question posted.  For instance, the question on prom dresses has a comment posted advising people to check out a prom dress website.  I allowed that because it was pertinent to the question. 

My 13-year-old daughter is a very responsible, reliable teenager but she had an out-of-state phone number on her cell phone bill.  I got worried and called the number to check it out.  It turned out to be nothing but now my daughter is furious with me for checking on her.  She says I have proven I don’t trust her.  How can I repair the damage to our relationship?

A:  Trust your instincts.  You did the right thing.  Regardless of how wonderful your 13-year-old is, there are several things you can be sure of.  At 13, your daughter is probably naive and/or gullible, she believes she is far more mature than she is and, she is quite self-centered.  All of this makes her extremely vulnerable to internet predators.  The new Facebooks on cell phones have also increased the odds that your child will have an encounter with a less-than-desirable individual.  Checking a questionable phone number does not show a lack of trust.  It shows admirable parental protection.  Your daughter is going to need your protection for several years yet.  She’s probably going to object to many things you require of her and that you ask her.  (Who are you going to the party with?  Will there be adults present?  What time will you be home?, etc).  But keep on asking anyway.  That’s what responsible parents do to guide their children safely into adulthood.  As for repairing your relationship - all you can do is let her know it had nothing to do with a lack of trust and everything to do with your love for her and concern for her welfare.  It may be a few years before she truly understands what you’re saying but, when she does, she’ll be thankful for the wonderful parenting she received.

Hi,  Everytime I bring my son to the barber he screams.  The barber won’t cut his hair.  I’m doing it myself and it looks terrible.  Got any good ideas?

A:   You don’t give me a lot of information.   How old is your son?  If you’ve just started bringing him to the barber and he is between the ages of 18 months and three years, he could be having a problem with stranger anxiety.  Another reason he could be giving you trouble is a lack of contact with males.  If you are a single mom, he probably goes to daycare.  Most of his life is being spent around women.  Men with scissors could be scary.  Both of these problems can be solved by having him go to the barber at the same time his male cousins (or grandpa or uncles) go.  Have him watch them get their haircuts.  Be sure they have a really good time!  If you are married and it is a stranger anxiety issue, another option would be to have daddy take him to the barber.  Have him sit on daddy’s lap while daddy gets a haircut and then let him remain on daddy’s lap while he gets his haircut.

It’s always best to know why children are upset about things.  I asked my 3 year old grandson why he cried at the barber.  He said “’cause I don’t want to get my head chopped off”.   That was a surprise.  I hadn’t realized that was an issue for him.  When you’re only 3, reality is defined by cartoons, television and an active imagination.  This man he doesn’t know is putting an apron around his neck at just the right height for a head chopping experience.  So if your child is old enough to ask - ASK!  Work through his issues with him.   A few months of bad haircuts are a lot better for him then forcing him into a situation that is, for him, terrifying.

How do I get gum out of my suede couch?

A:  Cleaning has never been my forte so I looked it up online.  Here are a couple of places you can check. 

http://www.topix.com/forum/city/paragould-ar/TAKLEF0BF30LFNDMP

http://www.tellmehowto.net/answers/cleaning

http://www.tipking.co.uk/tip/2666.html

Good luck!

My daughter’s cat got run over by a car while she was at school.  I told her the cat ran away and we’d find her.  I was going to get a cat that looked just like it.  My boyfriend says I’m nuts.  What do you think?

A:  I can see several problems with the cat exchange.  The first, and most obvious, is that all animals – like people – have a personality.  It will be fairly obvious to your daughter that there is a difference if she is used to holding the cat and the cat you find decides to scratch her or vice versa.  Also, there is the trust issue between you and your daughter.  Should she discover the ruse, it will cause her to have difficulty trusting you in the future with important issues.  The final issue is an emotional one.  It is important that each child learn about death.  It is difficult to work through the loss of a loved one – even of a pet.  Ideally, that can be learned with the love and support of a parent.  You have the opportunity to help your child through this first difficult loss.  I suggest you let her know of the death of her cat.